Aargh

I know I do this every year, but this week right before school is so stressful. I had grand ideas for making freezer meals and having everything in tip-top shape before Monday so I could maybe, for once, relax a little that first week. However, life has other plans.

I am up at 6 on a Saturday morning, and have actually been up since 5/awake since 4...but this early rising isn't for a run, sadly. I'll be headed up to school in a little while, but for now, I'm working on cleaning this house...yet another thing I had hoped to have done before now. My hubby had to go to work early this morning, so I figured if he was up and working, I could be too.

I did dream about running. But even in my dreams, I couldn't get that much needed release running gives me from my stress. It was a very realistic dream where I could feel how hard the run was, like my feet were in quicksand. I was moving so slowly and my feet hurt so much. Sad that I can't even have a good run in my dreams.

I am hoping to attempt a run tomorrow. I've been without a run for two weeks now...and just when I need one most. The half marathon is now two months away. I have decided that I'm going to get the BondiBand (my mom, sister and I are selling them for a Team World Vision fundraiser) that says "Run, Walk, Crawl, Finish!" because that is exactly my plan for this half. I'm going to do it, but it might not be pretty.

I always hit a point in the year, ususally now and many times over, when I have to come face-to-face with my shortcomings. I just can't get it all together. Some days I feel like I might be close to finding balance for all the roles I have, but others, like today, I realize that I drop the ball more often than not. It's frustrating to find that I haven't prioritized the things that are most important to me and have wasted time on the unimportant, leaving me being unable to do or not having done the things that truly mattered.

Which sort of leads me to today's blog writing challenge from Fitness Cheerleader. Why is my blog named Home.Heart.Health.? Well, that's just why. I try to write about the balance between these three things...between mind, body and soul...because I'm trying to find that elusive balance.

This past weekend,  my pastor used an illustration that has always been one of my favorites. The story goes that a teacher sets out sand, gravel, small rocks and larger rocks and has his students try to place everything in a jar. When they can't seem to make it fit, he shows them how by adding the large rocks first, then the small rocks, the gravel and finally the sand. He points out that this is like our priorities. Get the big ones in first and the rest will fall into place (and I'd add...or they won't matter).

So, I'm going to be working on my priorities. I have been spending each morning (when I'd normally be running) reading my Bible and a short devotion over a cup of coffee. I've really enjoyed this time and will have to really make it a priority to get it done once actual school starts Monday.

And of course, I want my family to be a top priority. I've spent way too much time just being here and not really being present. I want to focus on them and us and what will make us stronger and closer as a family. With my daughter in second grade and my son starting kindergarten, I'm realizing how quickly they grow up, and I want to make each day count.

My health is also important to me, and I haven't been careful of what I've put into my body for the past few weeks. I've been stress eating a lot more than I'd want anyone to know, and I can feel the impact it has had on the way I feel. That, in combination with not running, has had more of an impact on my mood and state of mind than I'd care to admit. So, even though running may be on the back burner, I need to make what I eat and what I do a priority.

And while some argue that a clean house doesn't have to be a priority or "it's not that bad," to me, a clean and organized house allows me to relax and enjoy being here. It's a reflection of my internal order.

If there was a magic tool that would just help you get it all together, that would be so much easier. But I guess that's just part of the process.